Famous groundhogs in history

With Groundhog Day only a few days away, I’d like to take the time to remember some of the great groundhogs from history. You may have not heard about some of these names, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t true (just don’t try looking it up on Wikipedia, as everyone knows, that’s just stuff people make up). It just shows how the education system is failing us.

Groundgang Amadeus Mozhog – He was most famous for the intricate and beautiful melodies he crafted. What is less well known is that before him the only notes that were available were A, B, C, D, E, and F. It was one night when he was thinking about hw much he loved being a groundhog that it dawned on him, what about a G note?! Music would never be the same again.

Groundwin Schrodinhog – He was famous for his controversial thought experiment known as Schodinhog’s Groundhog. As we all know, it a groundhog sees his shadow, its means 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t it’s an early spring. But before this determination is made, is spring early or not? Schrodinhog showed that in fact spring is both early and late (a superposition, if you will), and only by coming out of his hole does the groundhog collapse the spring wave function into one of two states.

Groundcent Van Ghog – One of the greatest painters ever, he was creator of the masterpiece, The Starry Groundhog. What he is perhaps best known for, though, is the time he cut off his ear out of distress when his girlfriend believed the spring predictions of another rival groundhog.

Groundhugh Hephhog – This media mogul founded Playhog, a men’s interest magazine featuring scantily glad photography of female groundhogs. It revolutionized the print industry, and brought groundhog’s desires to the forefront of the public’s awareness in ways it had never been before. Now in his 70s, he lives in a mansion surrounded by scores of beautiful young groundhogs, making him my personal hero (if only he would return my calls).

Groundohn Adahogs – He was the true writer of the Constitution. Unfortunately, when the other members of the Convention changed it to read “We the people” instead of “We the groundhogs,” he was so mad that he refused to take credit for writing this great document.